Day 8: Do You Try To Make Bargains With Yourself?

by Heather Long | More from this Blogger

15 Nov 2006 11:41 AM

You know, I had to think about it. Is today Day 8 or Day 9? Or was it really day 7? I'm starting to lose track. I wrote about slipping yesterday and how it made me feel. I was surprised by how much the cigarette did not fill that need. It's amazing to be so dependent on something for so long - to crave it and to feel irritable and grouchy about it and to finally cave and give into it only to discover, hey - that's not really what I wanted after all.

Makes you wonder what the heck the appeal was for in the first place?

Trouble With Concentrating

The trouble I have been experiencing with concentration seems to be getting better, though I have to say that my writing is still taking a beating. I used to generate on average 20,000 + words a day. I think in the last few days that I actually bothered to count, I didn't get over 5,000 words. It's not that I am not taking the time and it's not that I don't have the time, but I seem to be having a hard time staying focused on what I am doing.

Of all the things I write here, these particular blogs where I talk about cigarettes and I talk about quitting smoking seem to be the easiest because it's ever present on my mind. That realization that the cigarette isn't what I wanted does seem to have helped. I feel a little more clarity today, a lot more focus. I'm far from being a non-smoker yet and I will likely slip again before this is all said and done, yet at the same time - I feel a greater sense of purpose than I did before.

If I don't want cigarettes, why am I having such a hard time letting them go?

Nicotine

Nicotine is an addictive substance. It is the reason people smoke, but I'm wearing a nicotine patch - so I am still getting the nicotine into my system even if I am not breathing in all those carcinogens - so what's the deal?

I think for me and if you have never been a smoker, you may not understand this, it's the absence of a familiar event. Every morning after getting up and feeding the dogs and letting them out, feeding the cats and getting them settled and straightening the kitchen up while I waited for my coffee to make, I would pour a cup of coffee and step out for that first cigarette of the day. It was part of my ritual and now that part of my daily ritual is gone.

Yes, I had a number of daily rituals that involved smoking and it's like abandoning all of them simultaneously and having nothing there to fill that vacuum. It's hard, I have to fill in those spaces and crevasses with other activities and I know eventually that the dissatisfaction and the longing for the familiar will pass - but until then, I just have to keep reminding myself that for every cigarette I don't light, I'm that much closer to my goal.

So if you are out there and you're struggling with quitting, understand that you're not alone in this and I'm here for you if I can help.

Related Articles:

I Have a Confession to Make

Stop Smoking: Exercise Can Help

10 Reasons to Be Thankful About Stopping Smoking

Day 3: I'm Still Not Smoking

Day 5: My Throat Hurts & My Sinuses Hate Me

Learn more about Heather Long

Heather Long is 35 years old and currently lives in Wylie, Texas. She has been a freelance writer for six years. Her husband and she met while working together at America Online over ten years ago.

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